Monday, August 24, 2009

Life After The Flings

As I said before that the 11 flings really hurt me in a bad way. I tried to be strong but being betrayed by the one person in your life who you expect to be able to trust and they betray your trust was tough. I really thought about what I needed from another person. I tried to talk Alex into going for couple counceling but it never happened. Sex was another thing that ended with the flings. We had a pretty good sex life before the flings but after that I didn't feel the desire. A few times I did try to initiate something but either he wasn't feeling good or he wasn't in the mood. What I found out 4 years later was that he had unprotected sex and was scared that he might have Aids but was too scared to get tested. He did get tested and came back negative. Lucky for him.

We continued sleeping in the same bed and everything was great except the sex part was missing. I'm not really sure how I was able to deal with that for so long as I really missed being intimate with another person but I wasn't the type of person to look elsewhere. I thought about it but never cheated on Alex.

We built our dream house last year and then Alex started having to travel to Seattle for work. It was supposed to be for 2 months but then it stretched into 6 months. I had a bad feeling about this but wanted to trust him.

About 3 weeks ago on August 3rd Alex told me that he wanted to continue being best friends but not be in an intimate relationship. Like I said before the intimacy had ended years ago but we still were partners. The hardest part about this period was that Alex never shared his feelings. He never said he was afraid that he might have caught AIDS or that he wasn't happy. I knew I wasn't happy but I thought moving to a new house would help. I was wrong.

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